Feeling a bit down...or more like lost today

Still trying to learn how to walk

I'm not always looking at you
Catapulted back to memories I thought I'd moved passed or at least buried,
But sometimes they're blinding
Like I've been looking at the sun too long
And I'm left seeing spots
Unable to make sense of what I'm seeing
Thinking that I'm looking at someone else
Until it's too late
And were both left in tears
Finally realizing that it was really you in front of me
And not the lurking skeletons I thought
Leaving us trying to recover from the scars under out skin,
the one's we didn't have stitches for
Only tattered bandages
That fell apart before we were able to find our peace.
I know you've felt it too,
Thought I was someone else
Both of us frightened by our nightmares
and the uncertainty of how to take steps forward
when we're both scared little children
still trying to learn how to walk


Control

I've been sitting here thinking
Trying to remember to breathe
To find some bit pf peace that's got to be out there
but I'm scared...
Trying so awkwardly to control everything
Even when I can't control myself.
Maybe it's just easier
Allowing myself to keep on running
Avoiding all those demons
That have been festering inside me for long,
But I lost my faith so long ago
That I'm not sure where to find it again
Not sure where to find the holy water
to help put out the fire
That's been raging in my gut
For so long that I'm tired,
Tired of trying to find my sanity in the wrong places
But I still keep holding on
Trying to remember how to pray for my own forgiveness


Untitled

Baby I'm scared...
Stuck in this shell that's only a sliver
Of who I want to be,
But I don't feel like I can ask you for help
So long burdened by your own dark shadows
And the burns I've left you too...
But I'm scared...
Knowing, feeling, that those walls need to come down
Those walls that I pretended protected me.
I've started searching for a sledge hammer this time
Instead of trying to chip at bricks
with a miniature rock hammer
Cause so far I've only gotten through a brick or too.
If I'm really honest about it...I'm actually quite nervous
Knowing that this path is laden with tears
That have been frozen inside me for decades
And I'm left without a life vest,
Long since forgotten how to swim.
Since It's more comfortable up here on the shore
Despite the jagged rocks and not having the best shoes...
But the ground is getting shakier and I can't stay here much longer
The atmosphere's getting heavier and I'm suffocating